GULF OIL SPILL

Latests Fisheries Closure

No movement east this week. At this rate it does not appear that mini season will be effected.

NEW LICENSE PLATE

I'm Taking it to the Streets

So I went down to the DMV today to order my new license plate, and BAM! Take that BP. 

Unfortunately it is still subject to rejection by the man but I managed to get it past their first line of defense. Its gonna take at least a month for them to make it too so I won't have it in time for mini season unfortunately.

The lady that wrote it up for me thought it was pretty funny but she did mention a few times that she was worried I might get shot. I am putting my faith in the fact that most Floridians can detect sarcasm, hopefully I don't find out the hard way that I was wrong. 

GULF OIL SPILL

Things Going So Well that BP Decides to Fuck It All Up

BP removed a containment cap from its stricken Gulf of Mexico oil well on Saturday in the first step toward installing a bigger cap to contain all the crude gushing into the sea and fouling the coast.

The manoeuvre released a torrent of oil that will spew unrestrained into the Gulf for four to seven days -- the time BP says it will take to put in place a bigger cap and seal. Officials say the new cap would capture all the oil leaking from the well and funnel it 1 mile (1.6 km) upward to vessels on the water's surface. Business Standard

I know that I have been critical about the lack of news regarding BP's attempts to stop this leak lately but this is not what I was talking about. We are two weeks away from mini season and BP decides that they need to uncap the damn leak so it can pump maximum oil into the gulf over the next seven days?! 

How are these people still in business....

GULF OIL SPILL

Relief Well Almost Complete

The first relief well BP is drilling in the Gulf of Mexico could intercept the leaking Deepwater Horizon well in seven to 10 days, the man heading the federal response to the oil crisis said Thursday.

[Retired Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen] reiterated that despite that accelerated time frame, he's sticking with mid-August as the expected time for the "bottom kill" procedure to be completed. CNN

It's been a long time since we've heard anything regarding actually stopping this fiasco. It seems like BP has put all their faith in this relief well working. I am glad that we are getting close to possibly having this thing stopped but I think I've written that phrase about 10 times since this oil spill started. My question is, what if this relief well doesn't work?

Is there any backup plan? I haven't seen any preparation for any emergency Plan B. Oh wait, thats right, the backup plan is another relief well. I like the commitment on this one.

GULF OIL SPILL

Latest Fisheries Closure

Enlarged Version

So rather than trying to post whenever there is a major change in the closed fishing area I figure I will just do a Monday update. Slight change from last week but still not any closer to the keys luckily.

GULF OIL SPILL

Relief Well on Track for August

Tests show BP is on target for mid-August completion of a relief well in the Gulf of Mexico, the best hope of stopping the oil that's been gushing since April, the company said Friday.

Once the new well intersects the blown-out one, BP plans to pump heavy drilling mud in to stop the oil flow and plug it with cement.

Meanwhile, officials kept a wary eye on an area of low-pressure in the Caribbean that threatened to turn into the first tropical depression of the Atlantic season. AP

So at this point it seems pretty clear to me that not much is going to change until these relief wells are finished. BP hasn't done much of anything since they started containing and collecting some of the oil. For the last week or two all they have really done is deal with PR and lawsuits rather than attempt any other effort to stop the oil flow. 

I feel like it's Groundhog Day and the stupid gopher saw his shadow (does he ever not?) so now we have 6 more weeks of this crap to sit through.

This all coming on the same day its announced our first possible tropical storm or hurricane is on the way. The last thing I need is to step out side and feel like I'm making the sequel to Jarhead. This is gonna make for a loooonnnnggggg ass hurricane season. 

GULF OIL SPILL

Latest Fisheries Closure

Enlarged Version

At 6:00 PM today this latest closure map will go into effect. So far it does not appear the keys are in any immediate danger of having their fishing waters closed. I also ran into someone today who told me they just got back from the keys and that everything was good as usual.

I will try to start posting new area closures when significant changes occur. There is still a little over a month to go so we will need to keep watching this map pretty closely.

GULF OIL SPILL

Strippers Depend on the Ocean Too

A New Orleans strip club has filed a compensation claim against BP over the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

The owners of Mimosa Dancing Girls, located on the edge of Louisiana's largest city, filed a claim because fisherman who frequent the club can no longer afford to come after a ban imposed on the industry following the spill, the Guardian newspaper reports. NineMSN

You know things are bad when strippers have to start asking for compensation. I mean the last thing people stop paying for in a recession is always booze, cigarettes, and lap dances. Don't just take my word for it, Drag Queen Ray said this about being offered $5 for a BJ, "I Didn't spend two hours getting my make-up on and all dressed up for that." I don't blame you Drag Queen Ray, I mean if your a professional you should be paid like one.

BP better pay this claim because mini season just won't be the same if Woody's goes bankrupt. I mean what will the strippers do then? They might actually have to go back to school rather than just tell everybody they are going back to school.

GULF OIL SPILL

Viva Mexico

At least 22 nations — including Britain, where BP is based — have offered oil-collecting skimmers, boom, technical experts and more to help the U.S. cope with its worst-ever environmental disaster. But their generosity comes with a price tag.

Only Mexico, with wide swaths of poverty among its population, offered the U.S. anything for free. It said it would give the U.S. government some containment boom. BP separately purchased 13,780 feet of boom and two skimmers from Mexico in early May, according to the State Department. Atlanta Journal-Constitution

I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to Mexico for their extreme selflessness. I don't care if they donated 5 feet of boom, at least they are not being a bunch of dicks. I mean seriously England is it so hard to send a couple of bags of trash for BP to shove in the pipeline?

Come on world, get your shit together. I know this spill may be located near the US but this ocean is connected to all of us. I mean of all the countries out there we probably treat Mexicans the worst (I'm looking at you Arizona) and they are the only ones who have stepped up to help with this horrific disaster. Not only are they willing to donate boom, but I bet they will even come and spread it out for dirt cheap. That my friends is the reason why I passionately celebrate Cinco de Mayo every year.

BP SPILLS COFFEE

GULF OIL SPILL

While I was Out

To catch people up on what happened while I was away on my recon mission, here is a brief summary of last weeks activity:

June 5th: BP managed to cap the leak and divert some of the oil to a tanker on the surface of the ocean. LA Times

June 6th: BP boosts collection to 10,000 barrels of oil a day. LA Times

June 7th: Oil hits Florida's panhandle beaches. Orlando Sentinel

Today: Approximately 15,000 barrels a day are being collected. Reuters

GULF OIL SPILL

Aerial Reconnaissance Mission Report

Sorry for the lack of updates last week. I was running recon over the Gulf. I spotted one oil slick outside of Louisiana but luckily nothing near the Florida coast outside of Tampa Bay.

I wish the photo was more clear. If you look really close, squint, cross your eyes, and stand on your head you can faintly make out the oil in the bottom left corner.

GULF OIL SPILL

Is it Time to PANIC?!

BP PLC, facing rising public anger in the U.S., began Monday its third attempt to contain oil from its leaking well in the Gulf of Mexico, but the risky operation could make the spill worse in the short term.

The latest procedure involves slicing off the leaking pipe at the top of the well's broken blow-out preventer, placing a cap over the leak and channeling the captured oil and gas to a vessel on the surface. BP officials said the procedure could take from four days to a week, and it already has two different caps on the ocean floor, ready to be deployed. Wall Street Journal

Over the weekend BP has admitted that the latest effort to stop the leak, operation "top kill," has failed. But no one worry because they announced today that they have a NEW PLAN!!! Oh boy, a new plan! I'm really sure this one is the one. 

Look, I am all for BP using creative solutions to fix this problem but something tells me that they have already exhausted the things that they really thought might work. I mean you don't save your best stuff for plan number four or five or whatever number they are up to at this point. 

I am staying as optimistic as anyone that this bullshit won't affect mini season this year, but we are 57 days out and now BP is saying this latest plan might INCREASE the oil. Throw in the possibility that a hurricane can cause some unforeseeable mess and I ask you this, is it time to panic?

GULF OIL SPILL

Do You Want the Good News or the Bad News First?

BP's risky "top kill" of its ruptured Deepwater Horizon well appeared to stop the oil flow Thursday, but new data showed the Gulf of Mexico leak had already become the worst in U.S. history.

Coast Guard chief Thad Allen, who is co-ordinating the U.S. government's battle against spill, said the "top kill" maneuver begun on Wednesday by BP to plug the leak had stopped the gush of oil from the mile-deep well.

But he cautioned it was still too early to declare victory as the British energy giant pumps heavy drilling liquids, dubbed mud, into the fractured wellhead to beat back the flow of oil, before sealing it with concrete.

But government scientists confirmed fears that the Gulf of Mexico spill is set to be the worst in U.S. history, saying oil was flowing out at a rate up to four times higher than previously estimated.

Unveiling new data, they said the oil had been gushing from the burst pipe at a rate of between 12,000 to 19,000 barrels a day — much higher than the previous estimate of 5,000 barrels a day. Montreal Gazette

No way! BP underestimated the amount of oil coming out of the pipes? I don't believe it for a second. If it is any consolation at least its not the worst oil spill in the history of the world... yet.

Finally, mini season is looking a little brighter and its never too early to start celebrating, right George?

GULF OIL SPILL

The Revolution WILL Be Televised

BP says it will continue to provide a live video feed of the ruptured pipe gushing oil into the Gulf of Mexico during Wednesday's planned top kill procedure to seal the well. CNN

Apparently, BP has changed its tune and will grant the teeming masses a front row seat to "Top Kill", which is being billed as a viscous-pumping thriller starring the unstoppable and daring tandem of Maverick and James Bond as they attempt to plug the indomitable oil spill. "Tower, this is Ghost Lobster requesting a flyby."

BP could not dramatize, to its detriment, this disaster anymore if it hired Jerry Bruckheimer. Why not just call it BP's "If-This-Fails-Fuck-It-You-Deal-With-It-Obama-Top-Kill". That is where this has to be going if your six thousandth proposed solution is called Top Kill. BP is already setting itself up for failure by using this stupid name that any casual observer would perceive to be the end-all solution based on the name Top Kill. Meanwhile, the method is expected to unleash for your viewing pleasure a lot more oil from the open pipe than is currently being released and only has a 60% percent chance of succeeding (about what Shaq shoots from the line), not to mention that this is the first time it is being attempted at such a deep depth.

Anyway, get your popcorn ready. Here's hoping Top Kill is successful:

GULF OIL SPILL

The Revolution Will Not be Televised

BP has told the chairman of the House subcommittee on energy and the environment that it will be killing the live feed video of the spill at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico while it attempts to seal the well using the "top kill" procedure, Rep. Edward Markey said in a statement.

The statement said BP informed Markey's office the feed would be "terminated" sometime Wednesday. CNN

The live feed of the oil leak that we posted last week is going to be shut off on Wednesday while BP tries to fix this mess. Apparently they don't want everyone to see them screw up again. While I am not too sad that it won't be live, for one I wouldn't have time to watch it and for two I'm sure the feed would be bogged down by traffic, it would be nice to watch an edited version later on.

Its a pretty weak move by BP if you ask me, its obvious that they either don't want people to see something go horribly wrong or they want to release the video as a PR stunt. Of course if you ask the conspiracy theorists like me they would tell you that the real reason is that BP is in cahoots with the Ghost Lobster to ruin mini season, and that this attempt to plug the pipe is as faked as the moon landing.

GULF OIL SPILL

BP will Attempt "Top-Kill" Later this Week

BP aims to start its ’top-kill’ operation at the MC252 well in the Gulf of Mexico later this week. The process, it said, will involve injecting heavy drilling fluids into the well to stem the flow of the estimated at 5000 barrels a day (b/d) of oil, and ultimately kill the well.

“Successfully killing the well may be followed by cement to seal the well. Most of the equipment is on site and preparations continue for this operation, with a view to deployment in a few days,” said a BP statement on 24 May. The Engineer

BP Lead Scientist: Gentlemen its been five weeks and not one thing we have done has worked. We need solutions people! Anyone?.... Someone has to have an idea, come on speak up.... thank you, Johnson what do you got?

Johnson: Well this might sound kind of crazy but hear me out. What if we plug up the pipe so that the oil can't leak out?

BP Lead Scientist: Holy shit! Plug the hole! What a great idea, you are a genius Johnson, someone give that man a raise.

Seriously? I mean there must be something I am missing here because you would think that plugging the damn hole would be the first thing that BP would have tried. At the beginning when they were attempting all these wacky solutions I figured it was because they couldn't seal the pipe without it backing up and causing some worse problem, but apparently BP was just trying to salvage its oil or something.

Can we please get on this before Florida starts to look like this?

GULF OIL SPILL

Live Video Feed of Oil Leak Now Available

A live video feed that shows the oil gushing from the blown-out well in the Gulf of Mexico is now available online.

The video shows a large plume of oil and gas still spewing next to the tube that's carrying some of it to the surface.

Congressman Ed Markey of Massachusetts pushed BP PLC to make the video available to the public. It's now posted on the Web site of the Select Committee on Energy Independent and Global Warming. WITN-TV NBC

Not the most uplifting video but if you want to watch it click here.

GULF OIL SPILL

Roy McAvoy Saves Mini Season

"Field of Dreams" star Kevin Costner has another dream -- helping to clean up the massive oil spill that has contaminated the Gulf of Mexico over the past few weeks.

BP has approved a test of Costner’s Ocean Therapy device to help the company clean up the Gulf after its Deepwater Horizon drill rig exploded and began spewing oil into the water, officials said today.

The machine -- described as a processing device that separates oil from water -- was first developed by scientists hired by Costner following the 1989 Exxon-Valdez oil spill off the coast of Alaska.

“The machines are basically sophisticated centrifuge devices that can handle a huge volume of water and separate at unprecedented rates,” Ocean Therapy Solutions CEO John Houghtaling told CBS's New Orleans affiliate WWL-TV.

“They were developed from older centrifuge technology. Normal centrifuge machines are very slow and sensitive to different ratios of oil to water mixtures at intake. Costner has been funding a team of scientists for the last 15 years to develop a technology which could be used for massive oil spills. New York Post

It's about time Kevin Costner has done something worthwhile. I mean Tip Cup was released in 1996 and since then we've gotten what? 3000 Miles to Graceland and Swing Vote (I love bad movies and even I couldn't stand 3000 Miles to Graceland).

Anyway the real reason I posted this was not to praise Kevin Costner's super robots, everyone knows that even if they work the Ghost Lobster will just sabotage them. What I really wanted to do was call him out on the whole "I got the idea after the Exxon-Valdez spill" bullshit. That was 21 years ago bro, you funded this mad scientist experiment 15 years ago.  

You know what else you did 15 years ago? That's right, Waterworld. So don't tell me you got this idea looking at pictures of oil covered birds because I know you got it staring at Jeanne Tripplehorn's tits. We all know this machine was being built to control the world when the ice caps melt not to save the Gulf of Mexico.

Anyways, regardless of his true intentions, if Robin Hood does manage to save mini season he is officially invited to come join us for our annual lobster dinner feast.

GULF OIL SPILL

People Rejoice as Balls Found in Keys Are Not From Gulf

The Coast Guard announced Wednesday morning that the blobs of tar that washed up in the Florida Keys earlier this week are not related to the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

The Coast Guard analyzed the tar balls as evidence mounted that at least some oil from the spill soon would arrive in South Florida.

The analysis determined conclusively that the tar balls collected from the Keys beaches do not match the type of oil from the gulf spill, the agency announced in a news release. The source of the pollution is unknown. LA Times

After taste testing the balls that washed up in Key West the Coast Guard announced that they don't taste like any of the balls they have licked from the Gulf oil spill. 

While this is good news, it does beg the question of where these came from if not the Gulf. I'm gonna go with my gut here and say that the Ghost Lobster planted those balls on the beach to try and scare people into cancelling their mini season plans. 

What he failed to take into account was the astute ball licking skills of the Keys Coast Guard. Of course I am just assuming that they tested the balls by licking them, they may have a less accurate scientific method that they used.