TRAINING FOR THE TRIP

Lobster!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

By Josh Zipper

August - November: Enjoy another missed miniseason vicariously through photos, videos, emails, etc. exchanged between (unmarried/unemployed) people who attended. Depressed that the picture column to the left is devoid of pictures of yours truly.

November - February: Delude myself into believing I am going to attend this year, to wit: "This is the year I end my 2 1/2 year drought!" "Screw work!" "Great countdown email from Frank!" "Wife can take separate vacation with girlfriends!" "Lobster!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

February - March: Proudly unearth dust-clad fins, snorkel and mask; Defiantly unsheath tattered dive flag from equally-unused golf bag and clubs; Sharpen bloody (i.e. rusty) dive knife. Dislodge net and tickle stick from rake. This is the year!!!!!!

March - April: Watch deadline to pay housing deposit come and go without sending check. Pull soon-to-be expiring seniority card and get an extension on house reservation check from B-Man.

April - May: Check not sent. Likely not going. Eyeing post-miniseason weekend binge in Key West to save face.

June - July: Someone dropped out. Sucks for them, great for me! Frantically call B-Man to confirm I am in. Like, definitely. Well, definitely, likely. Probably. I'll get back to you, but I'm in for sure. Can't go. Yeah, money, work, you know the story. Yeah, next year, for sure, absolutely. Next year is the year.

August - November: Sadly, repeat the foregoing training regimen.............

TRAINING FOR THE TRIP

One Week? I Better Get in Shape

by Kenny Case

Month 12 - 6: Sleep, watch TV, drink beer.

Month 5 - 3: Think about how tasty lobster is, ask for time off work, drink beer.

Month 2 - 1: Work on tan, walk around house in dive gear, drink beer.

Week 4 - 2: Ignore work, annoy people with talk about mini season, drink beer.

Week 1: Practice holding breath, swim a couple laps in pool, realize I'm better prepared to drink beer then hunt lobster.

TRAINING FOR THE TRIP

Preparation

By Stephen Stancil

By following these steps one will become a more effective lobster hunter and finally slay their own bug. [Editor's note: This training regimen has no scientific basis, attempt at your own risk.]

A.  Increase bourbon consumption by 50%

B.  Save all $1 bills in a safe place for "pocket money"

C.  Breathing exercises

D.  Increase Busch Light consumption by 78%

E.  Go swimming

F.  Practice dominoes

G.  Meditate and become the lobster

Preparation H will come into effect once you ultimately get the runs from too much booze. 

TRAINING FOR THE TRIP

Daily Training Regimen

by Justin Mirgeaux

MORNING ROUTINE

24 oz beer

200 M swim

AFTERNOON ROUTINE

12 oz beer

300 M swim

Shit in ocean

NIGHTTIME ROUTINE

12 oz beer

Man-overboard drill (>5 min)

BEDTIME ROUTINE

100 M swim

Rest...(Eat banana bread)