GULF OIL SPILL

Latest Fisheries Closure

Enlarged Version

So rather than trying to post whenever there is a major change in the closed fishing area I figure I will just do a Monday update. Slight change from last week but still not any closer to the keys luckily.

THE SALTY METER

Salty Meter Beta Up and Running

The first incarnation of the salty meter is now up. Be aware that it is a work in progress, we will update it as the scores slowly roll in. For now it's pretty barren but pretty awesome nonetheless. Give it time and we promise it will continue to develop.

PIRATE MUSIC

Mad Caddies - Weird Beard

GULF OIL SPILL

Relief Well on Track for August

Tests show BP is on target for mid-August completion of a relief well in the Gulf of Mexico, the best hope of stopping the oil that's been gushing since April, the company said Friday.

Once the new well intersects the blown-out one, BP plans to pump heavy drilling mud in to stop the oil flow and plug it with cement.

Meanwhile, officials kept a wary eye on an area of low-pressure in the Caribbean that threatened to turn into the first tropical depression of the Atlantic season. AP

So at this point it seems pretty clear to me that not much is going to change until these relief wells are finished. BP hasn't done much of anything since they started containing and collecting some of the oil. For the last week or two all they have really done is deal with PR and lawsuits rather than attempt any other effort to stop the oil flow. 

I feel like it's Groundhog Day and the stupid gopher saw his shadow (does he ever not?) so now we have 6 more weeks of this crap to sit through.

This all coming on the same day its announced our first possible tropical storm or hurricane is on the way. The last thing I need is to step out side and feel like I'm making the sequel to Jarhead. This is gonna make for a loooonnnnggggg ass hurricane season. 

1 MONTH TO GO

NSFW Version

BAM! Saved the best for last, one more month bitches!

LOBSTER PERMIT RATE INCREASE

Starting July 1, Permit Prices Increase

The cost of two saltwater fishing permits also will go up on July 1. The snook permit will increase from $2 to $10, and lobster permits will increase from $2 to $5. FWC

Granted its only $3, but when you think about it that is like 6 Busch Lights. Anyway, you can still buy permits good for a year at the current prices, so if you purchase them before July 1st you will be covered throughout the entire upcoming lobster season.

If you want to save yourself a couple Washingtons go here to purchase licenses online. Otherwise check our FAQs to see where else you can get a license.

SPINY LOBSTER TOURNEY

Sunset Tavern, South Miami Tournament

For anyone who spends their mini season diving the Miami area there is a Spiny Lobster Tournament being held at Sunset Tavern this year. I stumbled across this last night and noticed the date for a discounted entry fee is the first of July, so I figured I should give people a heads up on it.

It is a weight tournament, with cash prizes for the top three competitors. Sounds like it would be fun, unfortunately Sunset Tavern is a little far from Islamorada for us to compete plus there is no way any of our lobsters would win.

Now if it was a speed tournament then I would bet the farm on Brett, but as far as weight goes the shallow waters of the keys don't seem to yield any behemoths. That is, not including the Ghost Lobster of course.

I used to live right next to Sunset Tavern, it's a decent little bar and there is plenty of parking at the nearby Sunset Place mall. If I was in Miami I would go check it out even if you don't enter. I bet it will be a good time full of drunken fishermen stories.

GULF OIL SPILL

Latest Fisheries Closure

Enlarged Version

At 6:00 PM today this latest closure map will go into effect. So far it does not appear the keys are in any immediate danger of having their fishing waters closed. I also ran into someone today who told me they just got back from the keys and that everything was good as usual.

I will try to start posting new area closures when significant changes occur. There is still a little over a month to go so we will need to keep watching this map pretty closely.

GULF OIL SPILL

Strippers Depend on the Ocean Too

A New Orleans strip club has filed a compensation claim against BP over the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

The owners of Mimosa Dancing Girls, located on the edge of Louisiana's largest city, filed a claim because fisherman who frequent the club can no longer afford to come after a ban imposed on the industry following the spill, the Guardian newspaper reports. NineMSN

You know things are bad when strippers have to start asking for compensation. I mean the last thing people stop paying for in a recession is always booze, cigarettes, and lap dances. Don't just take my word for it, Drag Queen Ray said this about being offered $5 for a BJ, "I Didn't spend two hours getting my make-up on and all dressed up for that." I don't blame you Drag Queen Ray, I mean if your a professional you should be paid like one.

BP better pay this claim because mini season just won't be the same if Woody's goes bankrupt. I mean what will the strippers do then? They might actually have to go back to school rather than just tell everybody they are going back to school.

GULF OIL SPILL

Viva Mexico

At least 22 nations — including Britain, where BP is based — have offered oil-collecting skimmers, boom, technical experts and more to help the U.S. cope with its worst-ever environmental disaster. But their generosity comes with a price tag.

Only Mexico, with wide swaths of poverty among its population, offered the U.S. anything for free. It said it would give the U.S. government some containment boom. BP separately purchased 13,780 feet of boom and two skimmers from Mexico in early May, according to the State Department. Atlanta Journal-Constitution

I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to Mexico for their extreme selflessness. I don't care if they donated 5 feet of boom, at least they are not being a bunch of dicks. I mean seriously England is it so hard to send a couple of bags of trash for BP to shove in the pipeline?

Come on world, get your shit together. I know this spill may be located near the US but this ocean is connected to all of us. I mean of all the countries out there we probably treat Mexicans the worst (I'm looking at you Arizona) and they are the only ones who have stepped up to help with this horrific disaster. Not only are they willing to donate boom, but I bet they will even come and spread it out for dirt cheap. That my friends is the reason why I passionately celebrate Cinco de Mayo every year.

LOBSTER HERPES

According to this report, baby lobsters have been infected with herpes and are dying prematurely. Now I won't go around naming names but I am pretty sure we all know who gave it to them.

Its bad enough I can't bang koalas without getting the clap and every time a monkey rapes me I have to get tested for AIDS, but now I have to worry about contracting herpes when I want to make-out with a lobster? Lame.

ROCKS AND HOLES

Ghost Traps are Off-Limits

While it may look like a treasure chest just sitting there on the bottom of the ocean floor, lobster traps are off-limits for divers. When you are out on the water this mini season (assuming there is one) remember that taking lobsters from traps is illegal. This is the law even if the trap has been abandoned by the owner because it was lost in a storm or you cut the buoy off of it. 

If you do come across a trap do not bag the lobsters from it and especially do not haul it onto your boat like the two morons who were just convicted of stealing lobsters down in Monroe County, thats just a little obvious. Rocks and holes are the only places you can legally take lobsters from, so leave any man made objects alone.

While it is a felony to tamper with traps I don't think anyone is going to haul you off to jail if you help free some critters from a trap that has clearly been abandoned. This is a good article I found, which provides a little more information about what you can do when you come across a "ghost trap," which is unfortunately a term for an abandoned trap and not for a trap designed to catch the ghost lobster.

BP SPILLS COFFEE

LOBSTER LINGO

Drag [drg]
- Verb

1. Pulling a diver behind the boat in an effort to spot a lobster hideout. Typically accomplished by the diver holding onto a rope similar to a water skier. When a lobster is spotted the diver drops off the line and stay on top of him while the boat circles around for the kill.

Synonyms: tow



Example: Who wants to drag the bay?

GULF OIL SPILL

While I was Out

To catch people up on what happened while I was away on my recon mission, here is a brief summary of last weeks activity:

June 5th: BP managed to cap the leak and divert some of the oil to a tanker on the surface of the ocean. LA Times

June 6th: BP boosts collection to 10,000 barrels of oil a day. LA Times

June 7th: Oil hits Florida's panhandle beaches. Orlando Sentinel

Today: Approximately 15,000 barrels a day are being collected. Reuters

THE SALTY METER

Check here for overall scores


Todays Entries:

Catching Ability:

Frank:
Undoubtedly one of the strongest lobster catchers currently walking this earth, Frank was trained from an early age in the wiles of lobstering and is a linchpin in our groups lobster catching success every year. Frank consistently vaults his free-diving wiles and it is true they are not to be trifled with.

In most groups he would easily achieve the ranking of a 10 in this category. Unfortunately for Frank he is matched up with fierce competition. After much shit-talking about his free-diving ability he was out-lobstered in a bridge free-dive showdown.

If you aren't the best in the group you can't have a 10

total catching ability lobsters: 9.5

Drinking Ability:

Donk:

In his prime very few people could hang with Donk when it came to putting down beers. Unfortunately, he has dropped about 25 lbs since his glory days, having a direct impact on his drinking salty score.

Despite this drop, Donk is probably the second easiest person in our group to convince to have a drink at any given time. All you need to do is hand it to him. His 6'3 stature combined with his vast experience at knowing how to pace himself still let him pack them in.

If you see Donk at the bar, buy him a few drinks and then listen close, you never know what the hell is going to come out of his mouth.

Donk is a steady drinker that will vary rarely get the group into any trouble but can always add to the overall atmosphere.

total drinking ability lobsters: 7

Intangibles:

The Zipp:

While you might expect the Zipp to have very few intangibles to bring to the table during Mini Season, you would only be partially correct. It is true that the number of tickle sticks he loses typically outnumbers the number of lobsters he catches, yet he brings something else to the table no one else seems to match:

Soft Hands

This is an extremely valuable resource, everyday there are endless lotioning needs and Josh is always on point.

The fact that Josh has the most popular hands on the first trip out the canal each morning must say something.

Plus he has a cool nickname (+.5).

total intangibles lobsters: 6.5

GULF OIL SPILL

Aerial Reconnaissance Mission Report

Sorry for the lack of updates last week. I was running recon over the Gulf. I spotted one oil slick outside of Louisiana but luckily nothing near the Florida coast outside of Tampa Bay.

I wish the photo was more clear. If you look really close, squint, cross your eyes, and stand on your head you can faintly make out the oil in the bottom left corner.