LOBSTER LINGO

Tickle Stick [ti-kəl stik]

- Noun

1. A long skinny rod typically made of metal or fiberglass used to coax lobsters out from underneath rocks, ledges and holes. A lobsterman's main weapon in the fight against the bugs.

Example: I dropped my tickle stick when the lobster almost escaped from my net.

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE

Oregon Man Steals the Name "Captain Awesome"

Douglas Allen Smith Jr. says he changed his name to Captain Awesome last month because he was inspired by the nickname of a character on the NBC television show "Chuck" — Dr. Devon "Captain Awesome" Woodcomb.

The unemployed Eugene cabinet installer says he found it funny Woodcomb's father gave him that nickname because a "poor nickname builds good character."

The former Mr. Smith says he faced a Lane County judge who questioned his seriousness. The judge that granted the request made him swear he wasn't changing his name for fraudulent reasons.

Awesome says that judge also allowed him to sign his name as a right arrow, a smiley face and a left arrow.

He says his bank, however, has refused to accept the signature because it could be forged too easily. SF Chronicle

If you are wondering who that asshole in the picture is, its apparently the fake "Captain Awesome" number one, from the TV Show "Chuck." Yeah I know, I've never seen it either.

I'm not sure if I am more pissed that the "Chuck" writers obviously read our blog and straight stole our shit, or that this guy is giving them the credit for this nickname, or that we didn't drunkenly decide to legally change John's name to Captain Awesome before this jerk-off did.

As much as I refuse to believe that anyone who regularly watches "Chuck" deserves the name Captain Awesome, his signature idea is pretty boss. Screw his local bank, when is the last time anyone at a bank ever actually matched up signatures on anything. I could sign my name with a drawing of a dick and no one would notice... in fact I know I could, Sack does it all the time.

PIRATE MUSIC

Flogging Molly - Seven Deadly Sins

AFTER THE CATCH

Cleaning the Lobster

Well congratulations, you have a cooler full of fresh lobster and you managed to get back to your house without running aground or being pirated for your booty. But now what do you do with all those squealing bugs? Well killer... it's time to kill. You didn't think lobster hunting was all glitter and sparkles did you? You are a lobster hunter, they are your prey, and its time to wring those bastards like the scum they are. No, its not pretty but its a necessity, and a great way to break in some newbies.

Cleaning lobsters is pretty simple, but there are a few steps that any lobster pirate needs to know in order to quickly and efficiently tear through that pile of keepers. The first step is to take the lobster in both hands, place one on the carapace (head) and one on the tail. Rotate the lobster in opposite directions and pull the carapace and tail apart from one another.

Before discarding the head break off one of the antenna, this will become a necessary tool in the next step. If you are a pimp and have a house on a canal, be aware that you may not toss the heads in the canal. Save them in a cooler or a bucket and take them out to the ocean later to dump them.

ROOKIE MISTAKE ALERT: Make sure that you throw out the head and NOT the tail. Yes, it has happened, don't laugh. Plus, that was back when you could thrown the heads in the canals, so that lobster tail was some lucky fish's dinner instead of ours.

Next take the lobster tail and turn it over, you will notice a small hole near the end of the tail. Yes, this is the poop shoot, I never said this was going to be pretty. Take the broken antenna (thick end first) and insert it into the lobster's ass. Jam it in there good, because if your gonna do something at least do it right. Pull out the antenna and it should drag with it the lobster's intestines... or whatever it is.

That's it, your lobster is now clean and read to store, cook, or barter with.

Thanks to All Kayak Fishing for the pics.

MY OFFICIAL COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN

Sure the 2011 mini season is still about 9 months away, however last night my own personal countdown trigger was pulled.

Every year leading up to mini season, and yes I do consider 9 months away leading up, I will start to have incredibly vivid dreams about the upcoming trip. They are always almost identical.

• We are out on day 1 catching bugs.
• We realize too late that we missed the first slack tide (which would be my fault).
  
• We don't get our day one limit.
• We struggle to limit on day two.

No joke, I have had this dream more times than I can count on my fingers. Obviously this is an incredibly stressful dream for me. I will then undoubtedly wake up from the dream and my mind will begin to race, making plans for the upcoming year. I think about what our strategy will be to start the opening day this year, what we can do better than the prior year, what new techniques or tools we need to bring down with us, how do we need to change our budget, etc.

I also start to worry about the logistics of the trip. This year already has two big question marks:

1. When am I going to be able to make it down.
2. Who will be our 8? We only have room for 8 on the boat (and that is stretching it) but this year we are likely going to have at least 9 guys that want to come. Those guys that are on the waiting list are going to be pissed if they can't get back in this year.

I legitimately woke up at around 5 am last night after this dream and thought about this stuff until I got out of bed around 7. Moral of the story: a lot of thought goes into mini season on our end, so come prepared.

I am also guessing that I am probably the only one in the entire world that begins to strategize in November for the upcoming mini season the following July.

LOBSTER BUST

FWC Seizes 345 Shorts from Lobster Boat

State wildlife officials made their biggest illegal lobster seizure of the 2010-11 season in the Florida Keys Thursday night.
About 345 undersized lobsters were seized from the 40-foot Trinity on Stock Island at 7 p.m. after it returned from a six-day fishing trip with 5,000 pounds of lobsters worth about $30,000, said Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) spokesman Bobby Dube. KeysNews

Well, sucks to be them. Nothing like 345 shorts to really put a dent in your profit margins. This is why you need to hire a full-time measuring man like Sack. What he lacks in catching prowess he more than makes up for in ability to put a plastic gauge on top of a lobster.

The best part of the article is probably the commentators. A bunch of the captain's family were trying to defend him and everyone else was just ripping on them. Gotta love the internet commentator veil of secrecy.

LOBSTER LINGO

Hookah [hook-uh]

- Noun

1. An floating air compressor used by lame amateur divers that supplies them with air while underwater. An alternative to using a scuba tank, in which the diver is attached to a hose that feeds to the surface where a gas powered motor provides a continuous supply or air.

2. A water pipe used to smoke flavored tobacco known as shisha.

Synonyms: third lung

Example: I hope that douche with the hookah drowns.