AMATEUR HOUR

The Open Catch Bag

One mistake that is easy to make but should never be made, is to start lobster hunting without checking to make sure that your catch bag is securely closed. There is nothing worse than putting that first keeper into your bag just to see him shoot out the other end and into the murky abyss.

There are a variety of different catch bags, some close with velcro, some with zippers, and others with latches. Whatever is the case be sure that yours is securely fastened.

If you can convince a friend to do it, having a bag man can be very useful. This will increase your mobility and allow you to more easily catch those pesky lobsters. Plus not only do you get to blame him if the lobsters escape but if the ghost lobster happens to appear it will be the guy holding the bag full of lobsters he will be pissed off at, not you.

OPERATION WILD

I stumbled across this TV show the other night. It's a Cops style show featuring the FWC. In case anyone was wondering what happened to that footage they shot of us getting boarded two or three years ago, I am guessing this is where it ended up. It's on Planet Green, but its just reruns now so you'll have to keep an eye out for it if you want to catch a glimpse of the Betsy II. Man, I wish we had the pirate flag back then... we would definitely have gotten a cameo appearance.

HALF WAY THERE

6 Months Until Mini-Season 2011

That's right ladies and gentlemen, don't look now but we just hit the halfway mark.

Now do the lobster dance!

LOBSTER LINGO

Tickle Stick [ti-kəl stik]

- Noun

1. A long skinny rod typically made of metal or fiberglass used to coax lobsters out from underneath rocks, ledges and holes. A lobsterman's main weapon in the fight against the bugs.

Example: I dropped my tickle stick when the lobster almost escaped from my net.

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE

Oregon Man Steals the Name "Captain Awesome"

Douglas Allen Smith Jr. says he changed his name to Captain Awesome last month because he was inspired by the nickname of a character on the NBC television show "Chuck" — Dr. Devon "Captain Awesome" Woodcomb.

The unemployed Eugene cabinet installer says he found it funny Woodcomb's father gave him that nickname because a "poor nickname builds good character."

The former Mr. Smith says he faced a Lane County judge who questioned his seriousness. The judge that granted the request made him swear he wasn't changing his name for fraudulent reasons.

Awesome says that judge also allowed him to sign his name as a right arrow, a smiley face and a left arrow.

He says his bank, however, has refused to accept the signature because it could be forged too easily. SF Chronicle

If you are wondering who that asshole in the picture is, its apparently the fake "Captain Awesome" number one, from the TV Show "Chuck." Yeah I know, I've never seen it either.

I'm not sure if I am more pissed that the "Chuck" writers obviously read our blog and straight stole our shit, or that this guy is giving them the credit for this nickname, or that we didn't drunkenly decide to legally change John's name to Captain Awesome before this jerk-off did.

As much as I refuse to believe that anyone who regularly watches "Chuck" deserves the name Captain Awesome, his signature idea is pretty boss. Screw his local bank, when is the last time anyone at a bank ever actually matched up signatures on anything. I could sign my name with a drawing of a dick and no one would notice... in fact I know I could, Sack does it all the time.

PIRATE MUSIC

Flogging Molly - Seven Deadly Sins

AFTER THE CATCH

Cleaning the Lobster

Well congratulations, you have a cooler full of fresh lobster and you managed to get back to your house without running aground or being pirated for your booty. But now what do you do with all those squealing bugs? Well killer... it's time to kill. You didn't think lobster hunting was all glitter and sparkles did you? You are a lobster hunter, they are your prey, and its time to wring those bastards like the scum they are. No, its not pretty but its a necessity, and a great way to break in some newbies.

Cleaning lobsters is pretty simple, but there are a few steps that any lobster pirate needs to know in order to quickly and efficiently tear through that pile of keepers. The first step is to take the lobster in both hands, place one on the carapace (head) and one on the tail. Rotate the lobster in opposite directions and pull the carapace and tail apart from one another.

Before discarding the head break off one of the antenna, this will become a necessary tool in the next step. If you are a pimp and have a house on a canal, be aware that you may not toss the heads in the canal. Save them in a cooler or a bucket and take them out to the ocean later to dump them.

ROOKIE MISTAKE ALERT: Make sure that you throw out the head and NOT the tail. Yes, it has happened, don't laugh. Plus, that was back when you could thrown the heads in the canals, so that lobster tail was some lucky fish's dinner instead of ours.

Next take the lobster tail and turn it over, you will notice a small hole near the end of the tail. Yes, this is the poop shoot, I never said this was going to be pretty. Take the broken antenna (thick end first) and insert it into the lobster's ass. Jam it in there good, because if your gonna do something at least do it right. Pull out the antenna and it should drag with it the lobster's intestines... or whatever it is.

That's it, your lobster is now clean and read to store, cook, or barter with.

Thanks to All Kayak Fishing for the pics.